Numb

There is a pain throbbing in my head with every word I say and every step I take. But far from wanting to be rid of it, I am hoping that it turns out to be brain infection and that i may die from it.
A teacher of mine once said to me, You always give me politically correct answers. To that I asked, What's wrong with that? She replied, Well, sometimes I don't want to hear politically correct answers. I want to hear you.
Being politically correct is tiring on the soul. As you encounter every situation, instead of responding you it, one hide his response, survey it, and instead come up with what should be done. Shit. Jews have this proverb: When everyone around you is crying, it's advisible not to laugh. When they are weeping, it's best not to laugh. But that's just not the way I do things.
But I realized that letting your feeling's show just isn't what people want sometimes. How would you feel if you pour out your soul for someone to listen to, yet they respond with 'you shouldn't be like that, it isn't right'? Becaus you have failed me when you do that. When I tell you all about my problems, you have betrayed me if you try to help me. All I need you to do is listen. When you tell me I shouldn't think like that, my soul is dying because you refuse to accept what I am. yes I can answer you with all politically correct answers. Yes I can say that something is wrong even though I think it's right. But remeber, everytime I do that I rip off a piece that makes me who I am. Everytime I do that I lose faith in that I am me.

"I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you"
Numb - Linkin Park

Darker Shade of Light

The Darker Shade of Light
We hurt cause we know we aren’t right
That’s from the star, we’re built to be imperfect
We pray cause we lack perceptive sight
Without the time to think to learn to reflect
Yet somehow I survived, through my hatred and my lies
Bathing in the darker shade of light
Kneel. Prepare to crawl
Feel b’fore you fall
你不可能一切的等着我 (You can’t always wait for me)
Hold the summer’s flame
Cold the winter’s claim
请你不要痴痴地等着我 (Please don’t wait for me meaninglessly)
You soothe the raging fire in my mind
Through the night you warm my icy soul
Released the very best I could find
One moment’s breath, I thought I would unfold
Yet somehow I remain
Through the love and past the pain
Bathing in the darker shade of light
Kneel. Prepare to crawl
Feel b’fore you fall
你不可能一切的等着我 (You can’t always wait for me)
Hold the summer’s flame
Cold the winter’s claim
请你不要痴痴地等着我 (Please don’t wait for me meaninglessly)

Fears

There's something wrong with me.
It seems that I have a twisted sense of conscience. It actually feels wrong to actually be doing the right things. Maybe doing bad things actually meddle with your sense of right and wrong and when you immerse in the wrong for too long, you will be transformed. In the bad way.

A new home for dark thoughts

My blog... I never thought I'll actually get one of this. But I have channel some of my dark thoughts to their new home... there's barely any room in my head left for all of them... I hope that they will be happy at their new home, where they will have more interesting visitors, as they must be sick of talking to me everday. Is it actually possible that I too may be more relieved if I put some of them away for a while, even though I will be doubly reminded of them when I vist their new home?